Matthew McGuire
"Let me tell ya a story me Pa once told me never let someone step over always be ready to step over everyone."-Matthew McGuire's philosophy about life. Matthew McGuire was a high-ranking member of the O'Brady Gang serving as one of their chief lieutenants. Recently, he was gunned down by William P. Glendale's men. Biography Matthew was born in Scotland in 1952, and was a close friend of Mr Big and William P. Glendale when he was growing up. He was always a cheapskate even when he was a boy coning old ladies out of money and candy after making sob stories to fool them with. To this extent, Matthew became known as Scotland's youngest con artist after he coned the duke at the time Mankey Big Nose William out of £1000. Matthew's older brother Joey disapproaved of his actions, but also didn't fight them, as they were bringing food to the table. At some point before the 1970's, Matthew met, and married his first wife who is currently unnamed, and had one child with her. In the early 1970's, Matthew, along with his wife attended the dreaded New Year's Party where Big fell down the entire elevator shaft to the very bottom. It was not long after this party, that Matthew's wife divorced him, and threw his wedding ring back into his face. Matthew didn't seem to care so much, and continued his life as normal coning people out of money by using fake sob stories. He also tried to con the Queen of her diamond jewels while she was visiting Scotland, but his brother Joey thrawted his attempts. This act caused Matthew to disown his brother, and retire from conning people for awhile. In 2003, Matthew moved to London, and not wanting to pay for his rent became involved with the O'Brady Gang as a hired goon. Over the years, Matthew gradually climbed up the ranks to become one of the gang's top men and chief lieutenants. Though grown old, he is still just as cheap as he was in his youth. In 2009, Matthew met and married his second wife Francis the local libarian whom bore his second child with Big serving as his best man at the wedding. Despite this, Big and McGuire gradually lost their friendship due to Big not being able to stand Matthew's cheapness and con man ways. He also at some unknown point angered gang leader Louis Harvey head of the Harvey Boys Gang after he had his men graffite Harvey's house. He also at some point bought a motorbike, and named it Missy. These Days Matthew was picked up by high-ranking police officer Gabe Wonga who was also in the O'Brady Gang's pocket. Matthew bribed Wonga by threatening to expose his corruption to the whole police department who in turn would tell the press about it. Wonga set him free, and the O'Brady Gang as well as Matthew swore to not sell him out. Matthew swore vengenace against the Harvey Boys Gang after one of their caporeigmes Johnathan Wonga spilt his beer on Matthew's motorbike. To avoid a war, Johnathan called a peace meeting with the O'Brady Gang and Matthew during which he promised to stop fighting the O'Brady's, and even offered to pay for the damages caused to Matthew's motorbike. Which obviousely Matthew accepted with no problems at all since he didn't have to pay for anything. That very same day however, Johnathan's right-hand man Harris and Mr Big stole a tomato ketchup van from the O'Brady's tomato ketchup warehouse. Matthew knew immeditately that it was the work of the Harvey Boys Gang, and requested to his boss Eddie Desmand that they go to the mattdresses due to a possible gang war. Desmand accepted his request, and many of their men were moved into small apartment complexs on the outskirts of London. Matthew struck back at the Harvey Boys Gang by getting their Twitter accounts all globally blocked by his contacts at Twitter HQ. Seeking rebribution, William P. Glendale consigliere of the Harvey Boys Gang recentely ordered a hit on Matthew, but Matthew was able to avoid all of Glendale's hitmen as he was far too cunning for them. Murder Matthew's luck would eventually run out, as one day, he was walking in the rain paying no attention to his surrondings when all of the sudden he was corned by a group of hitmen working for Glendale. Matthew thinking quickly attempted to buy off the hitmen with a cheeky £1 note, but it was too late, and he was gunned down on the spot. Matthew's hat covered in ketchup was then sent to the O'Brady Gang's hangout informing them that "Matthew McGuire sleeps with the tomatoes." His death has led to the O'Brady Gang suing for peace with the Harvey Boys Gang ending their brief gang war which has become dubbed by the press as the 'tomato ketchup war.' Family Matthew has an older brother named Joey who still lives in Scotland, and is a meth addict. He refuses to contact Joey because of this, as well as the fact that Joey ruined what would have been his most sucessful con ever which was to con the Queen out of her diamond jewels. He has been married twice, having an unnamed wife who left him the 1970's most likely due to his cheap ways, and then he was married to the local libarian Francis who has now recently become a widow due to his death. Before he died, Matthew and Francis shared a very romantic relationship though Francis was secretly annoyed with Matthew's cheapness. Matthew also has two children an unnamed son and a daughter named Doris, as well as a six year old grandson named Rust who is mentally disabled, and looks like Gus from Recess. Personality and traits Matthew is the very defention of a cheapskate always willing to con people out of their money by the means of overly sad and overly dramatic sob stories which cause people to feel pity for him, and offer him money and free items. Despite his con man ways, Matthew is a very loving and caring husband though even his wife Francis shows annoyance at his cheap antics. It can also be assumed that his cheapness is what caused his first wife to spilt from him. Matthew is very annoying, and tells really bad jokes similar to the Wonga Family if you think about it. He has however won sevearl competions by writing his own creative slogans for example for scones he gave them the slogan sc'gone. Get it? Anyways, Matthew is not sadisic in any way, and prefers to use more underhanded tactics to get at his enemies. Mattthew is very greedy being able to eat loads of free samples in just a few minutes often times leading to him puking all over the floor much to everyone's dismay. Matthew hates his brother, and refuses to contact him after Joey ruined his chances to con the Queen out of her diamond jewels. Quotes *"Why have tea? When you can have have peas"-One of Matthew's slogans which he wrote for Birdseye Peas. *"We've known each other for sum time, and uh..... you got me that XBox, and we played Resident Evil 5. So maybe we buy a wardrobe, and put suits inside it. What I am trying to say is will you marry me?"-Matthew's terrible proposal to Francis. *"Well I could tell you but then you would be competion to me."-Matthew annoying William P. Glendale and his cohort Gareth. *"What's the diffrence between a jailor and a jeweler? One sells the watches, and the other watches cells."-One of Matthew's many terrible jokes. *"Can I have a curly wurly? Oh come on Sanjay I'm hungry!"-Matthew bugging Sanjay Patterson for free chocolate. Trivia *Matthew's cheapness and refusal to buy expensive items is very similar to Mr Euguene Krabs. *Matthew is good friends with Sanjay Patterson despite annoying him by constantly asking for free items. Sanjay often hires Matthew to sell his stock for him. *Matthew is a diabetic according to Mr Big. *He is right-handed. *He named motorcycle Missy out of his love for it, and treated it like it was his child. It could be assumed, he bought it to help fill the void of his recently divorced ex wife. *He is very defensive of his grandchild, once beating up a farmer with TB just for insulting his disablity, and calling him "onion head." *Matthew shares the same last name with Sean McGuire a character from Rootin' Tootin', Cowboy Shootin' also known as Red Dead Redemption II. But they are not related in any way despite both having similar accents. It is also because Sean is only a character from a video game, while Matthew is a real life person. Gallery 14497154-low_res-still-game-s8.jpg|Matthew in 2019 big and small.jpg|Matthew hanging out with Mr Big buy me off.jpg|Matthew attempting to buy off his assassins e.jpg|Matthew's brother Joey dsas.jpg|Matthew and his wife Francis together with their baby girl Category:Bruno Tattagllia Category:Scottish Category:British Category:The O'Brady Gang Category:Mobsters Category:Annoying sons of bitches Category:Rich People Category:Made up Characters Category:Deceased Characters Category:Well equipped albatross